this fucking freaks me out. i can't even exactly tell why. it's just this whole thing about Alen and my feelings. just today he said everything's gonna be fine, he knows what he did wrong all the time. and now? what's left of those things he said?
it's just freaking me out. i'm out of my mind. i'm out of my soul. it's just freaking me out, taking my breath. i can't discribe it. things get broken. but if they're broken more than two times they never never ever get repaired again. not in a million years. i don't miss the old times but i do miss my old people. i was happy back than and happy i wanna be. but i can't. it's just freaking me out.
i remember what i once said. and i have to admit that i was right. i didn't wanted to believe it, but i have to confess - it's true and it's gonna be like that for ever. and always. people like me, are alone, and stay alone. there's no one who 's gonna stay for longer. no one. even if they say so. they never do it.
about Alen? i don't know. i want him to stay. he was here till now.. and i made the same mistake like always. i let him come too near. too close. he's pushing me away, bringing me nearer again and forgetting me. i love him. he's my brother. he's my... i don't know.. he's there for me and never went away till now. and even now. it's just that i'm not used to that anymore. to beeing alone. he's got his girl now and he's forgetting everything & me. just sooooo not used to that..
but i'm gonna be strong. like always. and always. and i won't cry just because i have to stay strong. that's a good thing. i just have to perfectionize it.. forever